Hello world! Are You Satisfied?
This blog is going to contain the contents of my first book. It is information from the personal struggle in my life recovering from love addiction and co-dependency while learning how to differentiate what complications I experience through having adult ADHD. ADHD convolutes, intensifies and compounds every single issue in my life from simply coping in a non-eventful, ordinary day, such as eating regularly to much deeper co-dependent (issues) thoughts, attitude, behavioral and emotional coping mechanisms that no longer work or serve me in adulthood.
I had a working title: How to Survive Manipulative Relationships in America; How to Be Happy and Have the Life You Always Wanted. If I could have found one book that answered all of my questions regarding how to change in my recovery, I would have bought it! My idea is to write such a book and since it touches on so many aspects of life, this blog seemed like an ideal way for me to share what I have learned with the world, freely. I hope anyone who wants to be happy or find love does. Don’t ever believe anyone that tells you, you cannot make a difference or that you cannot achieve your dreams because it only takes one small change to begin to see more possibilities.
The book is long and involved. Change requires a lot of effort and it is not easy but it is sure easier to make drastic changes yourself than to have life, circumstances or others decide for you. I desire to make this sort of an organic, living experience as it develops over time. I hope to create a relationship with others who are reading this and trying to make changes and/or seeking to find the love of their life. If you wish to write to me directly or ask questions along the way the final product will continue to morph based on my relationship with the readers.
I also want this to be a fun experience for me, so I am trying to abandon rules, rules about how to write “properly” because I want to make it easy to absorb, I am going to write the way I speak as it will be from my heart, experience and own unique perception.
I started my recovery journey in the rooms of Al-Anon which is a 12-step program for people who love and know alcoholics and addicts. I state this because yes, I am ACoA (an Adult Child of an Addict/Alcoholic) and without those two free programs of love and fellowship I would have never been able to change. However, I do have my own very strong beliefs and ideas and the way I have worked my own program is so un-orthodox many told me I would not be able to successfully recover the way I was doing it. They were proved wrong, I have found serenity and peace in my personal life, mind and soul. I found the partner of my life along this journey and he has always supported my growth in recovery, daily. It took me two years to realize this was the man I couldn’t live without.
None of us can be successful alone, no man is an island and being stingy and greedy does not allow love, life, creativity, money, joy et cetera to freely flow. Everything in life is energy and everything is connected. This energetic matrix is everywhere, in everything all around us in nature and animals. I am here to remind you that people are animals. No living thing is above another, I am alive just as the leaf is alive, I am light and air just as you are embodying this also.
I do speak of God, I will use the word, god, not HP- higher power as it is referred to in the (12-step) rooms. I realize many people, especially Americans are turned off by that word, please substitute another word like nature or universe in it’s place as the content of what I am saying is the point, not necessarily specific terms. To me god is energy, it is the willingness to create love divinely and forgive exponentially beyond measure infinitely. It embodies a higher compassionate understanding, loving and enlightenment, it is a way of being. You may be an atheist and you may very well be a deeply spiritual person – I do not see them as being mutually exclusive. No, I am a walking breathing dichotomy, such is life and spiritual lessons!
If you want forgiveness, you must first be willing to forgive yourself; if you want to be loved and accepted then you must first accept and be loving, compassionate and understanding towards yourself. It takes letting go, to receive openly and easily. If you are holding on so tightly already ~ you cannot possibly grasp what comes to you next. Being emotionally flooded sucks… if you feel over whelmed, reach out and talk to someone about it. Know that you are never alone with this, reach out.
I will be adding to this blog at my leisure during the weeks to come in the different sections. I have so much more freedom being able to put out what I wish and not attempt to whittle it down into a sliver of what it is to appease other people for “sales.” I am happy to say I have added the Daily Seed-Feed to the mix, you can follow intimately along in my personal recovery process starting from the middle of the fourth year up to now as that was when I first began saving the shares I typed in an online setting (meetings).
Without online meetings and that freedom of honesty… I would most likely be dead already. Thanks be to god for the fellowship as it saved my life. I am grateful to have a transparent and honest life as an anonymous member of the twelve step fellowships that saved me. Thank you to all of you as everyone has helped me to allow this new growth in my life. I give it up to god and those with the messages to continue to carry them on. Gratitude is one of them, after being suicidal just waking up and being alive each new day and having breath alone — is something that I automatically am Blessed to realize, I am alive! Now onto the thrive!