Brain, Gender, Love

What does “chemical clothing” mean?  It means our souls reside in a physical body that is having one walking chemical-molecular reaction after another.  It means we are affected by every last thing we think, do and put into our bodies.  Sugar, cigarettes, eating healthy food, water, drugs, if we work out or not, if we meditate or not, get deep and full sleep (2 four hour REM cycles in any given day), have outlets for positive social interaction, have healthy sex lives (the list goes on) all play a role in determining what kind of a day we will have and influence how and what we think about.  Even whether we are in love, are respected, value ourselves as human beings or not ~ it all influences your thoughts.  If you don’t believe me, try participating actively in your mind and listen to the chatter!  Try to control your mind… how long can you do it before it is off thinking about other things.  What matters most is how you think and if you have respect for those thoughts or not.  Do you actually believe what you think you believe?  Have you ever completely challenged your thoughts and ask yourself ‘why am I doing this?’  Every thought is a choice.  Can you honestly get behind fully supporting what you are really thinking and doing – that is the question.

Gender

The male and female brains are slightly different – this is why a woman can effective communicate nuances in her emotions, clarify them and express them -and- it is why males do not find this easy or simple to do.  Men are not defective because they cannot articulate their feelings well.  Emotions are right brain territory, words are logic and left brain fare.

Did you ever wonder why men are so good at focusing on one thing at a time to completion while women seem scattered or naturally multi-task to get the same job done?  It all stems from the corpus callosum.  The corpus callosum is what connects the left and right hemispheres of the brain together.  In females it is like a super highway, thick so that more information bounces between the two hemispheres faster.  Men have a tiny little string of a (think of a dirt path) connection bridging the two brains.  Males cannot articulate their feelings as well because by the time they get to the left hemisphere, they lose what they are carrying over because it is being siphoned into a tiny path to travel through.

Physiologically this is why women naturally multi-task and still can express themselves and run consecutive lists in their heads.  This is why men tackle one thing at once and don’t ask a man a question while he is working or figuring something out- it distracts them completely from their focused task at hand.

If you don’t believe me yet, look into primitive mankind.  Men hunted and fought, women were left to keep track of every last moving detail around them because their very life and well being of their offspring depended on them being skilled at being highly aware of every tiny variant around them.

Women, stop asking men to be just like you!  Accept these differences and allow men to tackle that project in their own way.  Of course we would go about it in a totally different way.  Neither is wrong, stop comparing apples to oranges!  Humanity has its purpose and we have different functionalities.  Understanding these basic core differences allows us to be more tolerant and loving of each other’s natural abilities.

 

Love

Applying these natural tendencies to my love life allowed me to meet the right man for me in a fairly short time.  The woman always has the last word because at any time she can choose to not accept the invitation or date with a man that is pursuing her.  As a former love addict, I pursued men left and right.  When I was young, I found it quite exhilarating and empowering in some ways for me as a female, I guess because approaching men is emasculating.  It is taking the physiological hunter aspect of the man away.  Sure they like it and they will take you up on your offer since it is so convenient right in their faces but they do not have respect for that.  A man wants to pursue the woman he is interested in.

Again, men do the asking, women do the picking.  See what kind of men are asking you out and what they are suggesting as possible dates or interludes.  Think about it before saying no.  Consider your options, saying, “I will get back to you after I give it some thought” is a very nice way of deferring a decision that you do not have to make in haste.  Check your schedule, think about it.  Dating is about seeing who you would like to get to know better.   If you don’t give people that chance – you are missing out on everything.  How can you possibly even know what you are missing if you are closed minded, guarded?

I let my boundaries do the “deciding” for me about people, places and situations.  I have boundaries, red flags and deal breakers and if any of them come up in the first year of dating – I do not hesitate to break off a relationship.  I lived with my ex-husband for a year and a half before we wed.  On the second day of our honeymoon he completely changed… he began criticizing me, putting me down, telling me who I could smile at on vacation and oh yes, yelling at me.  Yelling loudly and going on to get his point to take “power” through intimidation and passion.

I will not tolerate any of this behavior anymore, I do not tolerate abuse or bullying.  I do have consequences for those types actions now that I do not hesitate in carrying out.  I am not a door mat today, I remove myself and I do not trust people until they earn it through their actual behavior and actions not their threats and words.

Always maintain your inner self, do not lose yourself in another person or your career because you will forget who you are.   My mother gave me this sort of advice on my wedding day and at that time I was so lost in her and my childhood, I did not even understand what she was talking about.  I was already so lost.  I recovered my mind, healed the past, opened up to love and am thriving as I continue to move on.

My un-diagnosed ADHD left me feeling utterly crazy most of my life, I blindly accepted and felt the shame of being out of control.  I have take conscious control of my inner dialogue and my feelings and through changing my behavior, I have changed everything else in my life.  I did it with constructive, positive actions and you can to.  Be the partner you want to attract.  Love, accept and respect yourself first and keep true to your boundaries.  Enjoy yourself the way you are, accept your human-ness so you can be the best you you can right now.

 

 

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