DSF1 Topics Are: “Surrender, Focusing on Self and Self Love”

MY SHARES

Topics Are: “Surrender, Focusing on Self and Self Love”

I think as ACoA’s our issues are so much deeper bc they go right to childhood

ever since I was 10, I was always expecting the other shoe to drop

this alone filled me with constant anxiety

waiting, expecting the bad to come

I too, did not grow up seeing my mom outwardly loving herself

she raised me on her own

even though she had a husband usually

I do belive that all of our issues stem from us not loving ourselves

in a Spiritual and emotional way

not in an ego way

the ego just lies to us

for years I thought my guilt and fears were real

and sure the feelings deserve to be acknowledged, validated and worked through

for so long I was not willing to surrender my feelings

and I did not feel worthy of the good stuff

but once I began to love me, first and as my own priority

so much changed

everything changed

and no, it was not easy

it was utterly foreign, alien

I felt retarded, telling myself, “be kind and gentle”

and trying to replace my thoughts and behaviors

I truly felt pathetic, pitiful

but I recognized the old tapes as self-abuse

bc I was perpetuating it

I have choices now

I don’t have to beat me up, to race you to it

I really didn’t experience any detachment

until I first set and followed thru on a boundary

when I did feel, the distance, the emotional space

I felt incredibly amazing

it was like heaven opened up and

I felt, ok for once!

it made me even a little joyful, I think

so naturally I wanted so much more of that

I got self-respect

when I followed thru on a boundary

and we are the only ones that can have it or not

I listened to ppl here that sounded healthy and happy

I did what they said they had done

I had much to surrender and to forgive myself for

letting go of the self-abuse I was perpetuating within me

I find that I am closer to HP now

more loving and understanding and patient of others too

because I can focus on me and detach emotionally from their feelings and issues

who was I trying to take all of that on anyway?

I was caught up in martyrdom for so long

I was reminded that martyrs end up dead

I’m living proof the program works

and if you don’t believe it ~ know that you are worth it, the hard work and the pain

done