DSF15 Topics: Faith, Progress Not Perfection, and Improving Relationships.

DSF15 Topics:  Faith, Progress Not Perfection, and Improving Relationships. 2-9-2010 AM

Hi everyone

ok, as an ACoA (adult child or alcoholic/addict)

I had tons of issues, some of which I still deal with daily

being perfect is one of them, it is a serious trap for acoa’s

I was so OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) about it too

extremely obsessive

when I embark on something, I tend to do a lot of research on that thing

first before I begin to tackle it

because I want to know all the pit falls

and the “right” way to do it, the technically correct way

because of course I want it to come out – perfectly

that works okay – when you are building something physical

but when you are working on your emotional issues

not so much

it was paralyzing me

because I was not willing to even try much anymore

the fear of failure

and the fear of not being perfectly perceived by others, too

holding myself up to an impossible standard

that doesn’t exist – perfection is relative and subjective and it does not exist in reality

face it – life is – messy

I had to throw out my expectations of not being perfect and of trying to attain perfection

so I could give myself permission to make mistake

so that I could – try again

something, anything

instead of stagnating

in this prison I had created for myself

since I began trying – and making mistakes

working on me

it has gotten amazingly better

and I am excited to try new things now

because I learn something

usually about myself and I can be surprised again because I am more open, accepting

I do not want to hear a lot of negativity about my new growth opportunities either

no, I don’t think I am in denial about it

I only want to be able to be hopeful for me

not psychologically put myself down before I start or even try

for me, anything I try that is new in program

is absolutely – progress for me

even if I am making microscopic baby steps

to me it is still forward

and I celebrate and relish all of those moments in my life, for me to encourage myself positively

life is a continuing stream of present moments

we don’t “arrive”

we are constantly in a state of flux

look at nature – it is changing around us all of the time

faith is about me surrendering to HP/GOD and actively releasing my will and control

it allows me to focus on me and not be concerned with future events

the future isn’t real – anyway

right now, this is reality, right now is what matters

when I got that – the changes actually seemed possible for me

I could do one thing at a time

when I got overwhelmed

another al-anon member told me – you can do anything for 15 minutes

I really liked that

it gave me a window ~ a time frame to work within

I didn’t have to tackle everything at once

I could – just try – for 15 minute increments at a time

it gave me hope and possibilities

working this program, has improved all of my relationships

I no longer sit back criticizing others

pointing out what is wrong with them or what they are or are not doing

now I work on me – actively and consciously

and I’m trying to keep my mouth shut (keeping a boundary around my personal opinion)

since I am a truth teller – and people do ask for the truth

man, don’t they get all mad when you tell them

they kill the messenger

I don’t have the need to prove anything to others anymore

they can figure it out in their own time or not.  It is not for me to alter, address or fix

personal experience is so much more meaningful to a person, anyway

since I have done this and made these changes in me

people enjoy being around me more

and I have found happiness within – a well of joy

we – practise faith

we don’t “own” it, just like we practice acceptance and love (or not)

we are actively engaged in these negative or positive thoughts and emotions

that we are practicing/participating in all (of) the time

it shapes our perception and reality

I’m just so very grateful for where I am now

in my understanding

we have to practice these things actively to maintain them in our lives

it is a spiritual dichotomy, to get you must give the love first

as I keep surrendering to god and forgiving (me, the past, situations and others)

I keep getting closer to the source too.  The more I let go of, the more connected I become

so my relationships in all aspects have improved, exponentially

this program works, so work it and love you like your own best friend

you are all you really have anyway

and that means everything and more

it truly is a miraculous gift ~ our life and our free will

I wish I could give what I have to everyone!!!  :)

done