DSF19 Topics: “Anger- a natural emotion, Fear- facing the truth and Understanding- how to ‘offer’ it”

Topics: “Anger – a natural emotion”, “Fear – facing the truth” and “Understanding – how to ‘offer’ it”. 2-13-2010

Hi everyone, I am grateful to be here, as always

this program is a real life saver!

before I got here, for my second attempt at al-anon

guilt and fear had run my life for twenty years

I was constantly projecting into the future

when I worked very hard to get into right now, this moment

I noticed most of that fear fell away

it was because I was focused on what-if-ing

I imagined all of the worst possible scenarios

and I was not able to be present in my life

the acronym for FEAR helped me tremendously

future events aren’t real = fear

it made sense to me, it was logical and I accepted it

now, when I was attempting to try new things

new behaviors

it was a little scary

but I reminded myself that was because – it was all new

and that it was ok

I can be afraid, acknowledge that and still try anyway

it is the definition of courage

but again, by focusing on the here and now

and what I could/can do – each and every day

that would allow me to feel better – it gave me – empowerment

and the fear was no longer in charge of my mind, feelings and decisions

I realized I had made it all up and

I began to focus on the positive, healthy, constructive and encouraging

because what we focus on grows and manifests more of the same

and I was not going to make it anything negative, anymore

fear is sometimes – a warning to us

and I try to pay careful attention to my intuition

when I acknowledge my feelings

it takes a big part of the intensity away, so I can begin getting it out and expressing it

anger always comes after pain/fear

we have to first get hurt, before we can react and feel anger

it comes from a slight or something

I had a mountain of resentments

I wanted to work them out

so I dove deep into my anger, to get to the origin of the underlying pain

I had to do tons of forgiveness work on self, to release this stuff

it was very toxic to me

but as long as I kept focusing on the pain and anger I had – all it was doing was creating more of it

so I kept letting it go

layer by layer

I still do have strong reactions and I am a very passionate person

but today, I can step back, feel it through and observe the feeling within

and if I don’t react immediately, outwardly

I feel it and observe it

and breathe through it

that helps me not only work it out but it helps me to have options and choices that I can respond to, instead of the automatic reaction(s) I habitually did

to hit on step 1 quickly

because I am a recovering control freak

I was attempting to control everyone else – but me

the truth was, I was totally out of control

accepting powerlessness, felt like I was failing at first

but step 1 is really nothing like that

it tells us that we cannot control – anything outside of us

once we begin to focus on us

and only us

we gain control

and it becomes a powerful, transformative and empowering place to be

powerlessness, reminds me that my only job is – me

I am not ruler and master of the universe

amazing how our (deluded) egos lie to us, telling us that!

my fear can create anger in me sometimes too.  Realizing this helps a lot and it is one more thing I can acknowledge, identify within and work to release and let go of it.

but today, I do have control over self

more so than ever

and it feels very empowering

the more I surrender and let go of

the more I understand and feel closer to my HP

it is odd

but if you want something in this program

you have to give it to and grasp it for yourself then you can offer it to others.

I wanted forgiveness, love and understanding

once I began practising those and working on them within

I began to have them all for others too

if I want love, first I must accept and love me

if I want forgiveness, I must forgive myself – first

I am no longer looking outside of me

for validation, love, peace and happiness

it is within us all ~ it is an inside job!

I offer support and understanding when I am vulnerably honest and sharing my story.  I offer support by listening to others share and being compassionate with them

allowing them the space to share, acknowledging them and offering them the dignity

and respect to figure these same things out for themselves, like we all get to do

to find our own accountability.

I am grateful to be working it with all of you

even if you don’t believe me now, know you are worth the work it takes to get to know

recovery is self-discovery!

done