DSF20 Today’s topics: “Detachment; Staying in the Present; Self Talk”

Today’s topics: “Detachment; Staying in the Present; Self Talk”  2-19-2010

good morning all, I am very grateful to be here

wow, these are all great individual topics – very powerful when you put them all together

it reminds me of how I work my program

I had to get into this present moment – to actually be able to work it

I was stuck in my head, in my own delusional fantasies and social expectations

projecting, lamenting about the past

I was not in reality

reality, is this present moment ~ the here and now

realizing this gave me – freedom from the pain of habitually bringing up the past

and by doing so, I was only creating a painful reality for me to re-live today and tomorrow

in this present moment – I can take an action for myself right now

I can do something that will allow me to feel better

and in so doing, I can create a better tomorrow

one moment at a time, right now

staying in the present moment also reminds me

to focus on me and to mind my own business MYOB

maintaining my – own business

is crucial for me to have a good program

I am the only one I can control or change — ever

I have to (or get to) feel – deal – heal

my reality, my perspective

my only job – is to “do” me

my self talk (internal dialogue) used to be very negative

I was self abusive in the words I used towards myself

when I caught awareness of this fact

I could see that I took all of the past abuse and ran with it, self perpetuating it

keeping it alive, and hurting myself with it over and over

I had to change my self talk – to make this stop

it was when I was working to discover what self love was (starting with kind and gentle behavior)

that I realized I was abusing myself

the changes started with positive, supportive, gentle & encouraging self talk

setting a boundary – for me and following through on it

was when I first ever felt emotional detachment

in a flash – I felt – like my very own person

emotionally autonomous

it felt amazing and I wanted a ton more of that – independent feeling

my mantras today are:  focus on self, love me first, detach from the rest

I have to remind myself to detach from everything

EVERYTHING

including people here in the fellowship

I love others here but I can only do me

it is my old sick self that wants to jump in, rescue – and save others from themselves

which I can only do for me.

I am learning to say less now too

that is self love and detachment – it is a growing process

because it is all in god’s time, when we all heal

I can point out, abuse or drama to others – I can shed light on it with awareness

but then I have to detach and surrender control of the outcomes

and continue to work on me & save myself because

no one else is going to do it for me.

what does it say about me, if I am more concerned about others than myself?

it shows others and the world at large, that I think I am disposable

it means I have to work on self love more and remember to put me first – for me

it is not an ego thing – it is the opposite

I have just finally figured out, that the serenity prayer is telling it all

all you can do – is YOU

trying to think you can “do” others, is insanity

I call myself a recovering control freak

I think it fits our behavior as codependent enablers

today I am in more control of me

so maybe I am turning into a thriving self-control freak lol

anyway it is a miracle to have this feeling of emotional detachment in my life today

it means, I am gaining emotional health or getting closer there

and it shows the program I am working is a healthy, solid one too

thanks for being here, love & light to you all

done