DSF28 TOPICS: “Self Restraint, Choices, Enabling.”

TOPICS: “Self Restraint, Choices, Enabling.”  from 3-17-2010

 

Hi everyone, I encourage you all to share, it helps get what is going on the inside- out of you

I have often typed something in shares in here that I am not even sure if I had thought of it previously and it just comes out – I’m a blurter

I do have choices today

when I got here, I didn’t think I had a choice in anything I did

I did what I was told that was expected of me for years – my whole life really

I participated in the manipulation

I too was out of control and felt I had no self-restraint

it was like my reactions were compulsive, automatic and in general were inappropriate in either way.  The times I over reacted, I should not have.  The times I barely noticed, I did nothing when in most cases I should have had an emotional response and I ignored it.

Over reacting

taking it all completely personally

feeling and literally being stuck

when you get suicidal – you don’t think you have any choices at all.  This is your last option.

I enabled myself in my victim hood

one day I decided to stop doing that

I’m sure it was after I set and followed thru on a boundary

because that gave me some new things to feel and think about.

I got some self-respect and self-esteem back

when I followed through on the consequences of my boundaries- for me and I took gentle care of myself

instead of ignoring myself and over-riding what I wanted and needed

my little voice within

today my voice within is strong

and I listen and follow my intuition

intuition

it’s never let me down

god has my back

if I listen,

surrender MY way.

God receives what ever it is that we are truly and willing to give over freely, our expectations, our negative/painful emotions and will take them all.  It can change when we take it back from god, our control, our worry, then we are not in a communion with source any more.  We cannot do god’s job and then expect us to be helped by god.  Treat your HP with respect,  if you hand it over do not take it back.  If you do

acknowledge that in prayer and meditation be honest and surrender your control again.  You may find that you are doing that 100 or 10,000 times a day – that is okay, keep handing it back over until you feel it is tight and getting burdensome and then acknowledge it, decide to be willing to let it go (again) and then let it go – push it up, out and over your body.  Feel the pain, let it go, this is being human… feeling and then forgiving yourself.

I work hard not to enable others today. Enabling is doing anything for others that they can do just as easily for themselves.

One of the biggest ways I did that was with constant obsessing (I now call it psychic needling)

I obsessed on my mom, her state of mind and emotions, her marriage (with her active alcoholic husband–AH) and my boy friends and friends states of mind, attitudes, opinions and issues.

I was demanding, critical, insane and negative

I don’t know how anyone could stand to be around me

you definitely get more flies with honey

is a southern saying

well

you definitely get more of what you want by detaching and not demanding any outcomes

accept you are not in control of others, adults make their own choices.

It really works

the program is so direct, so simple

I give my self-love first  and connect to god through the love of my understanding. (For me god goes with love, so if I say, “I focus on inner love for me” I truly mean it is in commune with the god of my understanding and the glint of light within me.

I always know that what god wants is for the highest good and to help the most people.  It is not about me getting what I “want” but getting what I genuinely do  ”need.”

Now I no longer look for validation from others

I am ok

all on my own, just being here

and that is a miracle

5 years ago my mom was briefly trying to figure out how to get me institutionalized

because I was suicidally depressed yet again – depressed not making “plans” for it as I had done before, no I was simply confused about my life, depressed and going down in that fear.

My bf was able to help me

he saw the signs and spoke directly to me about it then.  Helped me, supported me and was willing to let things go, that was then, this is now.

I work my program, today by minding my own business

and for me a lot of that has to do with not analyzing others anymore

I don’t have to pick your head anymore because

I am too busy working on mine over here.

I went from thinking powerlessness meant you had no control over anything.

Well, I was out of control

but when I began to work on me

I found I had  a lot more power than I ever realized before

the blessings from program are nothing short of miracles

al-anon is all about you

man, did that ever scare me in the beginning

because it meant I had to take responsibility back, be responsible for me

and when I did, everything else changed too

and the changes that are from within are fun, truly once you get going with them.

Maybe hard, daunting at times – think of it as a new challenge.

If you focus on what you can do right now to feel better about your health, your situation or your peace of mind and go do that one thing & re-evaluate how you feel.

Take it slowly you can change your entire life if you want to, keep health, peace, happiness and serenity as your goals to work towards.

Thank god I came back and worked it with purpose

I am eternally grateful for myself, HP/god, program, the fellowship and the friends here

done