DSF37 Today’s topics: “Boundaries, Loving Detachment, Personal Responsibility”
Today’s topics: ”Boundaries, Loving Detachment, Personal Responsibility”
anyone that knows me here, knows I LOVE these topics, truly
I am very grateful to be here today and always
this is where I got my life back.
Growing up ACOA (adult child of addict/alcoholic)
basically means I was set up and programmed to be a co-dependent enabler. A people pleaser and one who seeks validation, attention and approval from others.
When I was a teenager
and you asked me what I wanted to study or do when I got older
I would have an instant panic attack.
I didn’t know what I wanted, not at all.
I was obsessed with my family and the dysfunction.
I thought loving meant
Who did I think was Jesus Christ/god?
I cannot save the world
and it isn’t my job or responsibility to do so.
When I set a boundary and followed through on it
I felt emotional detachment.
I felt like I was my own person, for the first time in my life.
I felt a difference between my feelings and my parent’s feelings, issues, wants and whims
it was an awesome feeling for me.
I felt free and I wanted so much more of that experience.
I also got some self-respect when I stopped compromising myself for “others.”
That was another part of the ego trap
that we get validated by what we do and can do for others.
I was martyring myself.
I have a responsibility to myself
and to hp/god
to live the best/healthiest life I can.
That is my god given right
to live as I wish and to seek happiness in my lifetime.
Not to allow others to use me up until there is nothing left.
One day I had the realization
that I had not even tried to live my own life.
That was the day I surrendered and actually tried to apply the program to my life.
The other realization I had about a year later
when I was trying to discover and embark on what self-love was
that I was insulting god by not focusing on me and loving me in the first place.
That I was spitting on god and the gift of my (sacred) life
but simply not living it for me
and loving me, as I loved others.
So I put me first and foremost and
made me my own first priority.
Since I have done that, I understand so much more about what (the nature of) loving actually is.
We are unique and special – by our birthrights
I was not accepting how wonderful we (human beings) are, how great I was as a spiritual, sentient being
and self-sacrificing does not get you anywhere but lots of pain and confusion. We do not get extra points for suffering the most!
I heard that detaching with love was different from detaching.
I guess the love came in later, around the back side
because I was focused on loving me, like my own best friend
not in an ego way,
not by stroking myself or esteeming myself in outer ways.
Loving me with kindness on the inside
You are worth following your boundaries and the consequences you set for you.
Others won’t follow them for you
you have to follow through
and be honest with yourself. Honesty is the key to this program.
These are the responsibilities I have to me and understanding my own needs by accepting that I am human.