DSF38 TOPICS: “Self-Expression; Responsibility; Gratitude.”
TOPICS: “Self-Expression; Responsibility; Gratitude.” from 4-14-2010
Something another member said has got me thinking, as usual
oh yes, good morning! And I am truly thankful and ever more appreciative to be here.
This is a life saving program – if you apply it you will never be the same.
Being able to change yourself is infinitely empowering. Being able to choose behavior that gives me positive consequences/results is more fulfilling than being constantly frustrated.
I did not know how to change. When I got here I was a control freak
with no self-control and I was in sheer denial of that fact.
I was consumed with other people’s behavior.
We pick up behavior based on what we perceive we witness, we learn how to treat others based on what we see in earliest childhood.
I literally abandoned myself, constantly – it stems from the “perfectionism” and constant comparisons we make.
I rejected myself because I was not perfect and I constantly tried to appear that way, I constantly was striving for that fake, exalted ideal- (that I now lump that in with “society”).
I couldn’t stick to doing what I said I would either – I would say one thing and usually do another. My behavior was much more compulsive-
I acted out emotionally because even though I was “trying to control it” I learned that feelings will come out sideways
if we try to clamp them down, stuff them.
Expressing yourself, being able to assert your own needs and boundaries is paramount to a healthy life.
Pre-program behavior- trying to posses control – examples can be nearly anything trying to get others to get along; or expecting things/people to go a certain way-
these are control issues and they are lodged in our egos.
The ego lies to us
what we suffer from is an illusion/delusion when we think we are actually controlling others.
At best it is a ton of manipulation, coercion and
lots of wasted energy because attempting to control other people isn’t effective or even possible.
I was sick of the manipulation
so in focusing on me
learning to discover what self-love and respect was
I did gain self-control
but not without first surrendering my ideas, my “way” to HP/God
when I did this
there was a feeling of the hugest relief
I got some perspective
it was no longer my responsibility to help or fix or control the world
I had to acknowledge that I did that
(tried to control everything and everyone else)
so I could change it
as I worked on me, I got empowered
the changes took within me
and it seemed to be very effective and fast
compared to – influencing others
I am so grateful I learned all of this
I wanted love and understanding
I give it to me first and foremost
once I did that, I no longer was looking outside of me
for validation, acknowledgement
today I do feel I genuinely – can help others
bc I try to mind my own business keeping the blinders on me.
I can share my ESH (experience, strength and hope) and what has worked for me and continue working my own healthiest and best program- one that is responsive to me in the moments of my life.
I no longer solicit people to take my advice or try to convince them of anything. I love to share and logic dictates that how you think is up to you.
I save my ESH for those that ask and are interested in changing too
in loving me, I have let go of so many judgements too
I feel like I no longer judge because I am constantly acknowledging them and releasing those comparisons
this too has freed me. I can create my own value, self-esteem, peace and happiness are inside jobs and states of being.
It’s funny, it feels like this “one thing” made all the difference in my life and my program
but it is — all that I have done
in concert with every other thing is exactly what has worked.
I practice these things to maintain what I have and want.
The only person that is relevant and vital to your life is YOU
it took me a long time to get that, to value my own voice and basic needs. I have to have my own health and best interest at heart otherwise no one else ever will.
If that is being a little selfish it isn’t “bad” – I need to be selfish enough to consider myself, then I can be considerate of others.
I cannot be healthy if I reject myself and my most basic needs. Neither can you.
If I don’t have boundaries and consequences that protect my needs than I will have no defined limits and I become that doormat again.
I am still a compassionate and considerate person. Now that I accept and understand me better, I think I am emotionally available
to be even more compassionate and forgiving of others.