DSF44 Topics: “Detachment, Anger and Expectations.”
Topics: “Detachment, Anger and Expectations.” from 5-19-2010 pm
I had tons of anger growing up in an acoa family
rage is more like it.
I also as a kid, grew up with negative expectations of most things. An advanced critical eye.
I expected the worst most days
feared everything under the sun
I lived in yesterday and tomorrow.
Working the program and applying it all (to me) the best I could
has changed my life in every single way.
When I came screaming back to the al-anon program 5 yrs ago
I was willing to try anything
bc I was so miserable and had been for so very long.
The best way I have found to deal with anger, is to get to the root of the pain
as anger always comes after pain. Find that initial deep wound buried within.
I actually spent a good year, of just doing some daily forgiveness work in program.
After my first year – of simply learning to focus on me and MYOB mind my own business-
when I embarked on trying to discover self-love, was when the forgiveness work started working in me.
As I went through the act/process of forgiving and then forgave- meaning I felt the relief of it-
I felt this new experience of peace inside of me occurring where there once was none of that experience.
I felt healed from the things I forgave- I was being set free, liberated and transformed in forgiving. It feels like unfolding and expanding in all directions at the same time. It is when we are connected to source and it feels like energy is flowing rapidly. It feels light and free.
You see, I had years of resentments to let go of, mountains of them
and I definitely couldn’t have done it alone – not in a million years because
it is divine work, after all
My expectations I could see were hurting me, always hurting me so
I had to eradicate them entirely
and not have them anymore. I often had the most negative expectations of me
and I really wanted to learn to love me instead.
I also like having the freedom to respond in the situation, organically which is new and in the present moment.
The second I proclaim, I won’t ever ‘do something,’ it seems I would be doing it compulsively or the situation would be present and
so I quit saying blanket statements about my own behavior. No walls, no traps. I am opening more about being open and as I do, I still continue to get more options/potential choices.
Infinity is in open-ness and possibility just as knowing or choosing one option narrows the scope radically. This means to me, I take my time in making decisions. Today I don’t have to make rash ones, I can take my time and decide calmly and take as long as possible…
thus life naturally unfolds and I can learn so much if I become an observer instead of a reactor.
This is a process, just like it takes a process of sorts to get us to al-anon in the first place
there really is no – destination in program (or life for that matter) – so there is no need to rush, push, force.
I get to keep what I have gained in program, by simply practising it
in each new moment.
Detachment came to me for the first time
after I set and followed through on a boundary for me
it felt like heaven!
“Allowing” others to be who they are going to be (with dignity)– releasing anger and expectations and living in loving, compassionate understanding and detachment– means life can surprise me bc Im not bitter jaded and “knowing it all already.”
Allowing nature and life to simply unfold for me instead of coercing it– was agreeing to have a new relationship with life, nature and energy- this also changed me. Life is to be nurtured and ever-so-gently guided, not directed (and heavy-handed).
Kid gloves bc it is innocent and pure and we should honor/treat that with fragility lest we poison/muddle divine design.
Nature doesn’t need us, we need nature and to understand we are natural in our pure/most vulnerable state. Imperfectly (uniquely) perfect as is.
I felt like a whole, single person
not one attached and stuck to – someone else (emotionally, speaking of course )
boundaries protect me and allow me to not – tolerate something that is intolerable to me. They allow me to stand up for and act on my own behalf.
Funny how even just simple name calling – if you hear it enough
will make you start to take it in and believe it, it is a form brainwashing- repetition.
I had to literally re-program my mind – catching and owning every thought.
I focus on me and detach from others – all the time
because my tendency is to jump in and be that control freak
directing others lol ugh again, meddling, controlling while being so out of control myself.
It is a relief and a Blessing, to only have to deal with me and right now, this moment.
I am a full-time job
and I give others the respect and dignity by allowing them to
process their own lives, feelings and experiences/perceptions because I am doing that for me, so it extends to them.
Whatever you put into you in program (being honest with the self is key), it will pay you back exponentially.
It does really work and you are all worth it and more! kcb keep coming back