DSF60 Topics: “Reacting; Feelings; Choices”
Topics: ”Reacting; Feelings; Choices” from 9-27-2010
I am ever grateful to be here, thanks for being here today.
These are good topics that all are connected for me
when I landed here I didn’t think I had any choices in my life
not with my behavior, feelings or reactions.
I was compulsive with my feelings
I was going to get them out
and I was going to be sure that you knew how I felt.
Well, all that does with sick people, is feed the disease
all that time I spent lamenting and arguing my position with them
all I was doing was making it that much more real for me and a part of my life.
What we defend, we make our reality.
I didn’t think I had a choice with my feelings and reactions
it was big news to me
that I could.
I was – fascinated by that news actually. It gave me some hope.
Today I can honestly say I have control (or much more control) then I ever thought possible.
A big part of it has come from dealing with what was that was left unresolved within me
because that doesn’t go away and it festers and comes out sideways inappropriately.
A big factor for me, was allowing others to think what they want
as I thought it my job to convince them otherwise.
It was just more time spent feeding the disease on my part
so by detaching from how others feel, think and deal with things
and getting into -just me- and what I think, believe and feel
gave me the opportunity to actually change.
I was so entrenched in my own beliefs
when my perception, beliefs and attitudes changed
well, that was a glorious day for me to realize
and my mind continues to open here.
As a habit
I would feel this feeling and go off half-cocked (gun lingo, I’m a Texan)
and would be pulling the trigger all over, spilling out all of my insanity onto others
so, how to change that?
Well I first had to learn to feel through my feelings to the very end-
not get a sense of a feeling and react to it going “off” completely but instead to
sit and feel it completely while breathing through it.
I found that as I sat a few minutes with my emotions
the huge tidal wave of energy
that I would go off with
well if I sat and felt it through
it wasn’t as big and
the energy got less – if I could sit with it and feel it.
That became a really good technique for me to explore further
because as I feel it through to the end, I can then meditate and/or pray on it
and this helps me tons because hp/god will take anything you willingly surrender.
If I have a negative feeling I want to unload
I do so as fast as I can. I know letting it go actually does work. It does take practice.
If I get angry I know that it can only come after a perceived pain
so I chase down that pain
to see where it stems from at its source then
I can feel-deal-heal it faster and relieve myself. I have to first accept it to let it go. This way I do not react but can instead respond in a more healthy way.
I HATED being a slave to my feelings
I really did
and I truly was.
I found that I did have choices in my feelings and reactions
because when I sit with it, feeling it through, it takes the sting out of that huge tidal wave of emotionalism.
Then I can think clearly and calmly, then
I can actually be able to respond in a new/better way instead of just reacting like an emotional basket-case
because then I would blame others for it
naturally as is the pattern.
Now I can own my reactions and feelings – just by feeling them
and not reacting right away
if I wait, I can respond and this one technique alone has been
big stuff in my life, it is huge! It allows me to not act from emotion- which when I did usually did not create positive results/consequences.
Plus I am feeling more in control and able to respond maturely which is also a huge reward and a huge change I can feel amazing about owning.
Today I am accountable for my actions…
I’m so glad I arrived!