DSF61 Topics: “Listen and Learn, Think, Your Favorite Slogan”
Topics: “Listen and Learn, Think, Your Favorite Slogan” from 10-1-2010 am
hello my lovely cyber friends, I’m grateful to be here
I could not even begin to pick one slogan as a favorite
after all I was raised by a woman who still to this day proclaims
“Everything, all the time!”
So why choose? Use them all!
I really glommed on to MYOB mind my own business
early on because to focus on me, I had to
and not – casually-
I had to literally focus like a laser beam (I later found out it is called hyper-focusing in ADHD people)
and then I can keep my focus on me
because it was terrifying and new.
You keep wanting to not trust what you’re actually doing in this (recovery) process
because we (ACoA’s) assume (expect and project into the future) that things are going to fail.
I had to let go of so many expectations
so many negative things I was manifesting
by me, obsessing on them happening
we bring opportunities to us and into our lives.
Even focusing on the “positive” expectations I had would backfire because it leads to us thinking we have some semblance of control of others which will only end in hopelessness, frustration when they do not live up to the expectations we held.
I loved the recent board threads on body language
having your inner conscious mind match the outer reflection you are putting out to others is very important.
If the energy you put off does not match what you are saying, people do not trust or believe you.
I’m having these conversations with my boyfriend too here recently a lot and
all I can do is tell him how I changed and what I have done
he has to be willing, to forgive himself
and it is terrifying if you have never done it.
I really love the THINK acronym
is it: thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary and kind ?
Oh that necessary and kind will get ya!
I am learning how to stay out of others’ crap
because if I don’t, it gets all over me and takes me down fast.
I much prefer being able to see it, identify it as over there
it’s a choice, it is an invitation to take it on or not.
ACoA’s are champions of that…
taking on too much, disregarding how it affects them personally because they are martyring themselves by ignoring their own needs.
This is exactly what we have to do, stand up for us honestly and kindly
I bite people’s heads off so much less now
seriously, walking away…
when I first heard that
I thought, ”Oh that is really stupid!”
I’m standing up for me by fighting this out
ugh – no, I am just resisting.
Ok, so I finally am learning
that fighting is totally unnecessary. When I fight about something I am against, I am only making it more true for myself, making it a part of my life.
Fighting only creates drama and when I do, it sucks me in because I have invested my energy into the fight.
Today I have my boundaries with consequences that I follow to take care of me.
I no longer invest my energy, my boundaries let me know if it is healthy or not and if I begin to feel compromised or used I know this is something I need to boundary out of my life.
My own basic and personal needs are not negotiable, they cannot be compromised. It is up to me to get my needs met in a healthy way and set consequences for my own behavior when they don’t. This is my own responsibility and I am accountable
to me, to my inner child/witness, to the god of my own understanding and then to the fellowship/program.
I don’t have to get mad or upset at all anymore
in fact it is kinda funny to me now, LOL funny
when they don’t get/hear the answer no and want to keep asking 100 more times
each time they ask the same dumb question I already said “no” to
the more ridiculous they look to me now.
Before it would wear me down and each time they asked it was like they were wearing away at the “no’s” until they got to a “yes” or an “okay” underneath.
Now each time they ask me with some program under my belt- my resolve gets stronger each time
and the “no” gets bigger and bigger until it is
looming all over us.
My answer will not change the more you ask me. If I say no it stays no.
What are you 5 years old?
Oh, right! You are because you are stuck at the coping mechanisms you adopted at five years old. Just like where I was before program.
I can choose my own behavior today and I am
so glad I choose recovery today
I can detach from their issues, feelings, whims, moods, attitudes and reactions giving them the dignity to solve it for themselves.
The only person I can truly help is me
and the more I work to change, control and empower me
the more I end up helping others by being a good role model for transformation and change.
It’s another dichotomy from HP
if I want love, love me first
then the need to love desperately, fell away
having self-respect is an entirely new experience for me.
It is a brave new world and I like not “pretending” to already know everything.
Jeez, before I couldn’t get surprised or be delighted unexpectedly by life at all and now
since I have let go of all expectations
today I can and I continue to be surprised now.
It sure feels better than bitter and jaded!
Life is for living and processing the moments you experience.
Enjoy the experience of being human and enjoy loving YOU as your own first and most precious priority. After all
if you don’t how can you teach your kids to be healthy and self-preserving?