DSF71 Today’s topics: “Acceptance” “Choices” “Kindness”
Today’s topics: “Acceptance” “Choices” “Kindness” Friday am 10-29-2010
Okay, okay, I know if no one shares then I have to/am compelled to lol
ok so when I landed here, I fought every single thing
I resisted reality
I was not an accepting person.
I rejected and fought and resisted
Zen says, resistance creates pain
I’ve learned this is true
when I can – let go… let it flow in
and then detach from it and release it
it allows me to feel better all the way around.
I am now able to live in the moments
as they pass in my day and I through it
and I am in my life
aware and present.
It is something I never was before
present and in my own skin-
I have always been aware and that is rather excruciatingly painful
or maybe it is just from denying things in that state
is where all the pain comes from
maybe it is a part of – stopping attempting to control it all
while ignoring and rejecting the self – you can’t do it, you have to heal or go deeper into the insanity of the disease.
It hurts either way because confronting these truths are painful but once we do, things can change.
Now that I consciously and actively put me first as my own main priority -and am the executive voice in my own head-
it truly feels that more than any one other thing (with the exception of tons of forgiveness work)
that has helped me or changed me more that any other thing.
Loving me first - today I know I have a choice in that
I have a choice in all of my thoughts and behaviors
see, before I didn’t think I had a choice at all
I thought I had to do what my folks requested and demanded of me, what they expected and what was “normal” socially.
I had been doing it for so long
I had to face this and me and
I was terrified to
but once I did it, I walked through that door or hurdle of self-accountability and brutal honesty
and I began to put me first, in loving kindness
in considering me and in respect and honoring me
part of how I did that was this: I would say (over the phone to someone who “needs me” to do something for/with them)
I will think about it and get back to you – was my new thing, a sort of boundary. I would give myself a
few minutes 5-10 minutes
or a half of an hour, you know - give them a concrete answer and stick to it and then
take some space and time for me
to allow me, to consider me and my own needs.
Because before I would just jump at everything and
say ‘yes ok I will come be the hero or I will drop everything and divert to something else’- and
I had no respect for me when I did that.
I had none all of my life really as it faded as I aged with little-to-no respect at all for elders, for adults and even for the system itself. I resented how messed up the world was collectively.
Acceptance – is what we need to practice
and it is okay for me to take my time.
I think it’s an ACoA thing – that
we always rush things, push
force and sabotage
Where/what is the rush?
Where do we think we are going anyway?
The only outcome or end of our lives, is the real end
what is it about me, that I cannot or will not allow me
to enjoy what is occurring in my life right now?
I discovered it was fear
and an old coping mechanism from childhood
the other shoe
always looking out for that shoe to drop
so we don’t get too outwardly upset
when things inevitably crash and fail
because they always seemed to do that
and the big betrayals set in
kids get hurt over time and those wounds/patterns set in…
like, they (the caretakers) say, ‘yes we will go to a movie or on a drive or to that ice cream shop or little store” and
then they say – ‘oh I’m just too busy
you understand, you are a smart girl” and you know they are choosing the system or whatever it is over spending time with you as promised.
Kids understand that you are discarding them
and that is how it feels to be loved (cared for) by emotionally unavailable adults. Adults with unresolved emotional issues… their junk creeps into it all and then it is your life too.
And they say to you, “this is life… toughen up… we all suffer… be a good little soldier”
ack! What a crock of crap
what a horrible thing to say to a child with unlimited imagination
to just cage their minds and give up as apparently you have? Life should not be a prison.
Truth is it is all a choice- what you think, feel and perceive.
I love my imagination
I can still use it too, even though I am not in denial or living in the past and future
each new moment that I have the opportunity to choose
a healthier new behavior for me
it not only helps me, but it serves the highest good
and the ripples go out to others because when one is kind, kindness grows/manifests easier for all.
Being kind is a super fantastic quality
that most people love about other people
and are universally drawn to that trait.
When you allow a car to pull out in front of you, slowing down just a little bit in traffic, waving them forward
it lets at least the two of you right there in that moment
feel happier, grateful and
it is a constructive thing to do
and it helps everyone.
Kindness ripples out to everyone.
Keep detaching and focusing on what you can do – not on what you get back and
focus on solutions and possibilities
not the “problems.” It is not about denial but about self-responsibility and being honorable and kind for the self-respect it gives you.
oh ya one last thing lol I love this one too!
in Chinese, they have no word for problem
the closest is opportunity -
an opportunity to learn or grow or create a solution to a challenge you are facing.
It is an awesome new way to think about it. It is a chance to figure something out, not something to be a failure over.
If you want someone to do something or change give them dignity about it,
leave them alone, detach about it and give them all the rope, room, time and space and
they wont know what hit them
and you feel better. It is okay to support and listen but not to judge or approve, just accept them and stop comparing. You have to live up to your own standard, it is not about the world/others. Besides
micro-managing is a bitchy nightmare that stresses and stresses you out more and
I much prefer to feel less of that now that I am older and I know stress kills! lol, thanks