DSF71 Today’s topics: “Acceptance” “Choices” “Kindness”

Today’s topics: “Acceptance” “Choices” “Kindness” Friday am 10-29-2010

Okay, okay, I know if no one shares then I have to/am compelled to lol

ok so when I landed here, I fought every single thing

I resisted reality

I was not an accepting person.

I rejected and fought and resisted

Zen says, resistance creates pain

I’ve learned this is true

when I can – let go… let it flow in

and then detach from it and release it

it allows me to feel better all the way around.

I am now able to live in the moments

as they pass in my day and I through it

and I am in my life

aware and present.

It is something I never was before

present and in my own skin-

I have always been aware and that is rather excruciatingly painful

or maybe it is just from denying things in that state

is where all the pain comes from

maybe it is a part of – stopping attempting to control it all

while ignoring and rejecting the self – you can’t do it, you have to heal or go deeper into the insanity of the disease.

It hurts either way because confronting these truths are painful but once we do, things can change.

Now that I consciously and actively put me first as my own main priority -and am the executive voice in my own head-

it truly feels that more than any one other thing (with the exception of tons of forgiveness work)

that has helped me or changed me more that any other thing.

Loving me first - today I know I have a choice in that

I have a choice in all of my thoughts and behaviors

see, before I didn’t think I had a choice at all

I thought I had to do what my folks requested and demanded of me, what they expected and what was “normal” socially.

I had been doing it for so long

why?

I had to face this and me and

I was terrified to

but once I did it, I walked through that door or hurdle of self-accountability and brutal honesty

and I began to put me first, in loving kindness

in considering me and in respect and honoring me

part of how I did that was this: I would say (over the phone to someone who “needs me” to do something for/with them)

ok

I will think about it and get back to you – was my new thing, a sort of boundary.  I would give myself a

few minutes 5-10 minutes

or a half of an hour, you know - give them a concrete answer and stick to it and then

take some space and time for me

to allow me, to consider me and my own needs.

Because before I would just jump at everything and

say ‘yes ok I will come be the hero or I will drop everything and divert to something else’- and

I had no respect for me when I did that.

I had none all of my life really as it faded as I aged with little-to-no respect at all for elders, for adults and even for the system itself.  I resented how messed up the world was collectively.

Acceptance – is what we need to practice

and it is okay for me to take my time.

I think it’s an ACoA thing – that

we always rush things, push

force and sabotage

Where/what is the rush?

Where do we think we are going anyway?

The only outcome or end of our lives, is the real end

what is it about me, that I cannot or will not allow me

to enjoy what is occurring in my life right now?

well

I discovered it was fear

and an old coping mechanism from childhood

the other shoe

always looking out for that shoe to drop

so we don’t get too outwardly upset

when things inevitably crash and fail

because they always seemed to do that

and the big betrayals set in

kids get hurt over time and those wounds/patterns set in…

like, they (the caretakers) say, ‘yes we will go to a movie or on a drive or to that ice cream shop or little store” and

then they say – ‘oh I’m just too busy

you understand, you are a smart girl” and you know they are choosing the system or whatever it is over spending time with you as promised.

Kids understand that you are discarding them

and that is how it feels to be loved (cared for) by emotionally unavailable adults.  Adults with unresolved emotional issues… their junk creeps into it all and then it is your life too.

And they say to you, “this is life… toughen up… we all suffer… be a good little soldier”

ack!  What a crock of crap

what a horrible thing to say to a child with unlimited imagination

to just cage their minds and give up as apparently you have?  Life should not be a prison.

Truth is it is all a choice- what you think, feel and perceive.

I love my imagination

I can still use it too, even though I am not in denial or living in the past and future

each new moment that I have the opportunity to choose

a healthier new behavior for me

it not only helps me, but it serves the highest good

and the ripples go out to others because when one is kind, kindness grows/manifests easier for all.

Being kind is a super fantastic quality

that most people love about other people

and are universally drawn to that trait.

When you allow a car to pull out in front of you, slowing down just a little bit in traffic, waving them forward

it lets at least the two of you right there in that moment

feel happier, grateful and

it is a constructive thing to do

and it helps everyone.

Kindness ripples out to everyone.

Keep detaching and focusing on what you can do – not on what you get back and

focus on solutions and possibilities

not the “problems.”  It is not about denial but about self-responsibility and being honorable and kind for the self-respect it gives you.

oh ya one last thing lol I love this one too!

in Chinese, they have no word for problem

the closest is opportunity -

an opportunity to learn or grow or create a solution to a challenge you are facing.

It is an awesome new way to think about it.  It is a chance to figure something out, not something to be a failure over.

If you want someone to do something or change give them dignity about it,

leave them alone, detach about it and give them all the rope, room, time and space and

they wont know what hit them

and you feel better.  It is okay to support and listen but not to judge or approve, just accept them and stop comparing.  You have to live up to your own standard, it is not about the world/others.  Besides

micro-managing is a bitchy nightmare that stresses and stresses you out more and

I much prefer to feel less of that now that I am older and I know stress kills! lol, thanks

done